Is That A Snake In Your Pocket?
by RebelWriter6561
Summary: John and Sherlock meet Loki's...little friend. Finding Heart Universe one-shot.


~*~What the hell do you mean I have to be focusing on graduating college, not writing fanfiction?  
Warnings: Some harsh language. Also, if you get freaked out by snakes, you probably shouldn't read this  
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to these guys, although I would like a snake.  
This piece isn't dedicated to Kat, but it is dedicated to her boyfriend Joe.

Is That A Snake In Your Pocket,  
Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

"…I still do not understand…if it's the shape-shifting matrix that is broken, why doesn't he just fix it? A blue box isn't the most inconspicuous of devices, is it?"

John groaned and dropped his head into his hands. Despite his best efforts, getting Loki to understand and appreciate the greatest of British institutions was a futile effort. When he wasn't questioning The Doctor's morals, he was criticizing the technology of the show. He'd burst out into tears of laughter at the sight of the Daleks. He simply could not accept the show as entertainment and only focused on analyzing the show to death.

Sherlock mumbled something indecipherable. Unlike Loki, Sherlock enjoyed Doctor Who. It was the only show he never criticized or dissected. Or even spoke about at all, so John didn't actually know if he actually liked it or not. He never showed any enjoyment while watching (unlike John, who was the type of fan who reacted to everything), but they never missed an episode, which lead to them all scrunched together on the couch, watching with rapt attention as The Doctor saved the universe once again.

Loki settled back with an audible sniff. He wiggled his shoulders under the large crochet blanket that covered all three – a gift from Mrs. Hudson, who'd made it herself. Sherlock and Loki had already had a mildly dangerous fight over the blanket, and John – stuck in the middle – had held on to the popcorn and tried to avoid the worst of the struggling. They settled down by the time the theme song played, but still held on to their quarrel with a few soft tugs.

They settled into watching the show, although Loki could never keep his mouth shut for more than a minute. John let him ramble on, because some of what he had to say was very interesting. After all, sci-fi was a bit more reality for him than it was for John and Sherlock, so his insights were fairly relevant. He also loved flaunting his knowledge of the stars in front of Sherlock, which made him peeved. So peeved that, after several minutes of Sherlock's increasing glares, he reached over John's head to slap lightly at the back of Loki's.

Several months ago, that would have sent Loki into a raging fit, or would have caused him to strike back. But Loki just leaned out of the way with a smirk. He hadn't exactly become a peaceful sort of person, but at least he was far more receptive to playful teasing and friendly smacks. A regular bloke with regular friends wouldn't think twice about that sort of behavior, but Loki needed to learn it all again.

Sherlock's arm, John suddenly realized, was still behind him. It was actually resting over the back of his neck, his hand cupping John's shoulder. John side-eyed it, but it showed no signs of moving. Loki gave it a look, the met John's eyes with a questioning look. John lifted his eyebrows in response, not exactly wanting to move and dislodge Sherlock's arm.

Loki fumbled with something beneath the blanket. It was bundled up to his chin, hiding his lap and arms, and John seriously hoped he wasn't up to something under there. And if he was, then it wasn't anything overly dangerous. Sherlock shot him a look over John's head, and the trickster pulled a face in response, so John elbowed him in the side. Loki settled down, and for a time, the three could enjoy their favorite sci-fi antics in peace. And then something settled into John's lap.

'_Please be Sherlock's hand,' _John thought hopelessly as he ducked his head to peek under the blanket. It wasn't his hand.

It was a snake.

"_JESUS CHRIST!" _John yelled as he shot up from the couch. His foot caught in the blanket, and he ended up falling down and dragging it with him. Sherlock jumped up from the couch to kneel by his head, hand in the middle of his back, and Loki squatted down too, trying to untangle the blanket from John's leg.

"What was that about?" Sherlock asked, gently pulling John up by his shoulders. John kicked with his legs, finally freeing himself from the blanket, which Loki seized. Rifling through the folds, his hand emerged wrapped in a reptile.

"What the _hell _is that?!" John barked angrily. Sherlock looked from John, to Loki with the snake, which he was now untangling from his fingers, and back to John, who was becoming very angry.

"It's a snake, John." Loki replied as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world. And maybe he did have a habit of bringing home stray snakes back on whatever-planet-he-came-from, but it was quite another thing for their modern-day London flat. Especially when the snake looked like the kind that had fangs.

"Obvi - of course it's a snake." Sherlock snapped. After checking again that John was settled on the floor, he moved closer to Loki, peering at the snake. "Not a normal sort of snake, though, is it? It looks nothing like I've seen locally."

"Well, I may have liberated him from a zoo, but he was not happy there." Loki was gently stroking the brightly-colored scales as the creature twisted its way around his wrist. "He will be well here; I've got a nice habitat for him set up in the basement, and I can take care of his food. He likes it here already."

"What kind of snake is it?" Sherlock asked, reaching out a finger to pet it. John, on the other hand, pushed back further away from it. It wasn't that he was afraid of snakes; he just didn't like them. Sherlock, on the other hand, seemed enthralled. Neither of them questioned how Loki seemed to understand the snake so well – that was nothing compared to his other oddities.

"Just a coral snake." Loki seemed surprised when Sherlock yanked his hand back, suddenly looking as alarmed as John felt.

"You know those are poisonous right?" John asked, trying not to panic. A snake in the house was one thing, but a _poisonous _one that seemed to like lap-hopping was another thing entirely.

"Actually this sub-species isn't poisonous." Loki answered mildly. He seemed quite happy to have it sliding over his fingers – in fact, John hadn't seen him that happy in some time. "And I have experience with snakes – quite a bit actually, so you don't need to worry. Jorg Jr. will live with me, and you and Sherlock don't have to worry about a thing."

"Jorg Jr? What-?" John broke off when he saw Sherlock shaking his head out of the corner of his eye. He knew Sherlock would explain later, in private, because there were still many things Loki was unwilling to speak about, but was more than fine with Sherlock saying for him. This seemed to be one of those things.

Loki looked up at him, a smile that was dangerously close to a smirk on his face. "So John…" he trailed off, and suddenly shot forward, thrusting Jorg Jr. into John's face. John shouted and fell backwards. Sherlock didn't move, except to show the tiniest hint of a smile. Loki broke into a terrible, gleeful grin.

"Are you afraid of snakes?"

~*~ For my American readers, I have to tell you: Old-World Coral snakes (the one featured in this story) _are not poisonous_. New-World Coral snakes – the ones that live in America – are REALLY. STINKING. POISONOUS. So no touchy. If you're a frost giant with a snake kid, go right ahead, but otherwise, don't fucking mess with poisonous snakes.  
Please review!


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